Kevin grew up in a small town, in an all-American family, with a little brother and two loving parents who wanted nothing more than to see their sons succeed in life.  Even though it seemed perfect from the outside, inside Kevin was dealing with his own demons.  “I felt completely hollow and empty inside like I had no purpose or reason to exist,” says Kevin. These feelings intensified as he got older and by the time Kevin entered middle school his depression had become so severe that he begun cutting himself and eventually started having thoughts of suicide.  “After school activities such as clubs and sports were the only things I could do to distract myself from the nothingness I felt inside,” says Kevin.

After graduating from college he wanted to be independent so he moved to Washington, DC to attend Gallaudet University.  Kevin had new-found freedom but the depression crept back into his life.  Kevin drowned his depression in alcohol, often drinking to a point of losing consciousness and making poor decisions.  “Alcohol was my new anti-depressant.  It numbed all my feelings and served as an escape from reality,” he recalls.  As Kevin struggled with his sexual identify he found acceptance in a schoolmate that became a close friend, drinking buddy and a casual sex partner.

On December 1, 2005 Kevin got into his friend’s car and instantly knew something was wrong.  “He told me that earlier in the day he tested positive for HIV.”  Shock washed over Kevin as he tried to process the news.  The next day, Kevin got tested for HIV and it came back negative. He continued to get tested on a weekly basis, all negative.  During the winter break, Kevin decided to take one more STD and HIV test.  That week he found a letter left on his pillow from his father informing Kevin that his father knew he was gay and that he wanted him to be careful with his decisions.  “After reading that letter there was no turning back. I either had to fully come out about who I was, or run from the whole thing. Both of these options were terrifying to me.”

The next day on his way to work, Kevin called the clinic for his results. It was at this moment he learned he had gonorrhea, chlamydia and HIV.  “I felt nothing.  It was as if my mind completely detached itself from my emotions.”  He headed to the clinic and the first words out of his mouth to the nurse were “When will I die?”   He had no knowledge of HIV.  After speaking to the clinic nurse he returned home to tell his family.  He needed the love and support from his family and didn’t want to go down the road ahead alone.

With the support of his mother, Kevin returned to school with a determination to beat the virus.  “At first I searched for ‘cures,’ but nothing panned out. Then I focused on learning everything I could about HIV.”  Kevin’s new found knowledge taught him that HIV did not have to be an ending point for his life, but a new beginning.  Kevin’s depression disappeared as he accepted himself and found a purpose for his life.  Kevin is currently on medications with minimal side effects and advocates for the HIV and LGBTQ communities.

“I believe in the mission of Hope’s Voice to educate our peers. We make a lot of unhealthy choices as we learn to be independent for the first time. My hope when presenting my lecture is to reduce the irreversible mistakes through teaching how to have real conversations with others as well as with ourselves.”